The transgender journey

We often refer to it as a journey. Each one is different, but most share some common features. It’s not one anyone would take unless they really had to.

Some transgender people are trans from birth, in the sense that as soon as their personality emerges they are already leaning away from the sex they were assigned at birth. For others it’s something that kicks in later. It can be said that the only choice is when to stop lying to yourself about who you are.

My own story started when I was six or seven, but I didn’t start my transition until I was in my fifties. Like many transgender people, I spent much of my life try to prove how masculine I was. It was a classic case of over-compensation.

For many this proves a source of terrible frustration and can lead to depression. When I talk with my transgender friends, we’ve generally experienced some level of anxiety or depression. Because we challenge some societal norms, many of us have experienced being excluded, bullied or ostracised. Yet, many of us go on to become compassionate and caring individuals, perhaps as a result of this experience.

Personally, I always knew something wasn’t quite right. I just had no idea what was missing. In those days we didn’t really even have the language to explain it. Only after the internet really took off did we have access to the kind of information that made people like me stop and take notices. It’s quite daunting when you first read about transgender issues, and suddenly things look awfully familiar.

A typical story of being transgender is not a happy one. However, things are changing quite swiftly. Since about 2014 we’ve been emerging into the light and with increasing visibility and others have found themselves emboldened and gradually emerged as well. This is a genie that is not going back into the bottle.

The hard road has tempered most of us to a point that makes us stronger. Yet there are those that struggle.

Many people who are trans experience dysphoria, a profound state of unease and unhappiness. This can be brought on by many things, but is often related to appearance or how one interacts with others. In the case of gender dysphoria it’s usually brought out by the conflict between the gender they were assigned at birth and their gender identity. In extreme cases this can lead to suicide.

The 2015 US Transgender Survey found that approximately 40% of transgender adults reported attempting suicide at some point in their lifetime. This compares to 4.6% to 5% in the general population. These figures are consistent across numerous similar studies.

Clearly we are a population at risk, and in this case the risk is generally one born of ignorance and intolerance. With greater societal acceptance these risks are greatly reduced.

It’s not all bad news though.  In recent years many countries have enacted legislation that protects transgender people. Many young people have a perspective on gender that is radically different from their parents views.

Many of us lose our families. If we’re fortunate they are accepting, but for many that’s not the case. Many transgender people experience discrimination in school, in the workplace or at the hands of the police. Legislation coming in the US discriminates at many levels, including in the health system.

The standard story of the teen trans kid who is kicked out of home by the family, who goes to the big city, and somehow lands on their feet (or not) is tragically often the case. We’ve learned through bitter experience to find ‘our people’. This generally happens in larger cities, in the gay neighbourhood.

Communities form and transgender people realise that connecting with each other is the greatest form of protection. It also leads to the dissemination of successful coping mechanisms, learning how to access support mechanisms and generally finding community. To transition and live in isolation is terribly difficult for trans people, however when connected with a community our outcomes improve substantially.

Non-trans people don’t need to treat trans people with sympathy. Rather, treat us with respect. We face the same challenges as cis people, but sometimes face additional hurdles as we progress. However, we are also resilient and we are survivors.

Many of us have had to wait until we have developed the courage to release our own suppressed feelings and accept ourselves as we are. Only then do we get to live the lives others take for granted.

If you are looking for assistance feel free to contact me. I work with trans individuals, their families and companies wishing to understand their trans employees. If in doubt, please ask.

vanbc1963@yahoo.com